The Wrong Reading

First off, I misread the syllabus so I thought we had to read the whole book, rather than just the chapter on Eros, so I wasn't quite able to get all the way through it. Because of that though, I read the chapter on Affection, and I think it really helps to understand what Lewis says about Affection when looking at Eros. Eros is almost always intertwined with Affection, which can make them hard to tell apart sometimes.

Affection is the love that a mother has for her offspring, but it is also that of the offspring for it's parents. It is more than that though. It is also the love that draws to completely different people together. It is the love of the familiar. Affection is somewhat hard to define because it is a “diffuse love”.

On Eros and Affection, Lewis says,”There is indeed a peculiar charm, both in friendship and in Eros, about those moments when Appreciative love lies, as it were, curled up asleep, and the mere ease of and ordinariness of the relationship (free as solitude, yet neither is alone) wraps us round.” The picture here is of domestic tranquility and the familiarity that allows you to be completely at ease. He goes on, “No need to talk. No need to make love. No needs at all except perhaps to stir the fire.” This is not Eros, this is not the love that “enters like... an invader, taking over and reorganizing”. Affection is different from Eros, but it is as much a part of a lasting good relationship as Eros is.

Lewis describes this, saying, “As for erotic love, I can imagine nothing more disagreeable than to experience it for more than a very short time without this homespun clothing of affection.” I think you can see this in the difference between people who are dating, or newlyweds, and those who have been happily married for decades. The first often fit the of lover pining away at the thought of their beloved, while the long married couple might not even talk to each other often, but it is because the depth and familiarity of their love means they don't have to.